The true face of addiction

The true face of addiction

 

The death of Cory Monteith touched me but not for the reasons you may think.  I am not a “gleek”, nor was I a fan or a follower of Mr. Monteith but I live with addiction every day, in fact to some degree we all do.  It is in my work, my family, and my friends.  It is all around me, around all of us but we are not talking about it and few want to look at it and get real about what addiction is all about.  It is easier to continue to believe that it only happens to “other people” and that our own friends, family and we are immune to it.  We are not.

Cory is not an unusual case, he is the norm.   Recovery from addiction is a day to day task, a commitment to oneself, the art of reaching out, staying connected, practising self love and staying conscious and awake to the depth of its control over the person afflicted.  The faces of addiction include Dr’s, lawyers, politicians, teachers, social workers, youth leaders, athletes, young adults, grocery clerks, CEO’s, police, military, coaches, mothers, fathers, grandparents and any other profession and title you can imagine.  These are not stupid people, they are people that at one point made a wrong choice, a poor choice and you could even say a stupid choice that started them down a path with heavy, life changing consequences and in the case of many has tragically ended in death.  Addiction devastates families and robs people of their lives.  It is an illness and abstinence is the only answer to not getting caught into its wicked grip but we are human, and we make mistakes.  Even with education we still walk that fine line of “it won’t happen to me”. 

There isn’t a single human being that hasn’t made a poor choice in life.  We are wired to make mistakes, to learn and to grow.  For some, a poor choice may have altered their lives forever.  Some things can’t be undone and with the digital age, mistakes (think Vancouver riots) can land a person in Google jail for their entire life.   I can admit to many stupid choices in my earlier years and am grateful that with age and life experience my ability to make smarter, well thought out decisions is a much stronger skill now.   In my youth I made the decision to smoke, hitchhike, lie to my parents, get into a car with friends who had been drinking and quite possibly high on drugs, I have walked down dark alleys in sketchy places and yes, I even tried drugs and have memories of ugly nights of drinking.  I believe the only thing that saved me from an addiction to drugs and alcohol is my addiction to having control of me.  I didn’t like the feeling of drugs in my body so they never became a mood altering substance of choice.  This, however did not mean that I became immune the effects of addiction as an individual or within my family.   I have a family history of alcohol abuse going back generations and every family member who has been touched by this disease gets impacted in some way or another.  Being in contact with someone in addiction impacts our behavior patterns, how we relate to other people and learn to survive in the world.  It impacts how we parent the children of the next generation and since the disease is hereditary the risk that subsequent generations will repeat the addictive cycle is more probable than not. 

Talking about drugs and alcohol is not enough unless we are willing to get honest and get educated about it.  If you want to protect your kids and yourself learn more about the disease and stop pretending that you, your family and your friends are immune.  I would guess many of you reading this know a handful of people in recovery from some form of addiction and don’t even know it.   It is underground, kept inside the walls of AA, NA, AL-ANON, NAR-ANON because of the stigma and shame attached to it.  These groups provide a safe place, free of judgement, to connect and give and receive support to those suffering.  Families are grieving the loss of people they love and are learning to live with a monster that sits by just waiting ever so patiently for a moment of weakness.  Addiction does not go away.  Treatment centers do not cure or fix addiction because addicts are not broken.  They only create a safe and sober environment to clear the fog that made it impossible for the addict to make smart judgments and they provide the opportunity for them to face the demons that fuel the addiction.  They provide a solution to manage addiction, heal the shame, free them from the isolation and shine a ray of light into a darkness that is like no other.   When an addict walks out of a treatment center they are still an addict but they now have the gift of recovery, freedom and a clear head which provides an opportunity for choice.  The disease stays with them, just like a cancer patient who is in remission the green monster of addiction is always present, always lurking, always whispering... waiting for just the right moment to snarl and take down its victim.   One moment, one wrong choice and that monster will roar to life and everyday lived in recovery will be erased.  Willpower is a myth, the dopamine that drives addiction is all powerful and only in that split second of choice can the recovering addict reach out and ask for help to save themselves.  Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.  If they don’t the devastation to the individual and the family is like no other. 

My heart aches for all the addicts who have yet to find recovery or don’t have the financial means or family support to find the light provided by treatment centers.  My heart also hurts for the families who do have all the means because in the end no amount of money or time in a recovery center will fix what isn’t broken.  Only an addict wanting a life of recovery will find recovery.  No amount of love, support, hope, prayers or tears can save people afflicted with this disease.

My condolences to the family of Cory and to all the families who have lost children, spouses, friends and loved ones to addiction and to the many who still hide from the shame, guilt and stigma society casts on those afflicted.

My wish is that Mr. Monteiths death starts a dialogue and brings awareness, compassion, knowledge and understanding to a disease that is more prevalent than many realize.  Just like those suffering with mental illness had the courage to come forward and speak out and ask for our understanding, the time has come for us to know addiction and realize the majority of people suffering are not living on the streets.  They are sitting on the couches beside us, breaking bread with us at the dinner table, teaching our children in schools, protecting us from the bad guys, leading great companies, accomplishing great athletic feats and live in the circles of people we love.  Cory Monteith like it or not, is the perfect picture of what an addict can look like.  He was loved, gave love, had hopes and dreams, was educated, inspired others, had talent and charisma and he had a disease that in the end he couldn’t overcome.  He was human, made mistakes and lost his life.  He could have been anyone you know.