Chasing feelings and finding inspiration

Can good enough be good enough?

I have lived life with high expectations and trying to meet the perceived expectations of others.  I wrestled with perfectionism and never quite being good enough.  With every accomplishment, I questioned what I could have done better and rarely stopped to celebrate or savior my victories.  Celebrating small or large wins was lost on me because I was too busy finding fault and judgment in what I could have done better.   I am still a work in progress.  Today I celebrate my victories and stick to the mantra of progress not perfection.  Being aware of my thought and behavior patterns is key in the pursuit of turning down the volume on them and creating new and healthier ways of thinking and feeling. 

Why tell you this?  I have committed myself to becoming the best coach I can be which means staying transparent, authentic and allowing myself to be just as vulnerable as I ask my clients to be.  It means living true to what I coach and not a "do as I say but NOT as I do".  I want my clients to explore their own stories and expectations.  Every single one of us is capable of creating change in ourselves.  The saying "it is what it is" needs to be abolished.

I feel like the brakes have been released on my life and all I can say is BRING IT ON!  Nothing beats living with a WOOOHOOOO attitude and feeling free.

A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to do a coaching seminar with Dax Moy and meet some amazing health professionals from the US and beyond.  We coached and were coached with the goal being to create clarity and find our own resolutions.  A few things really stood out for me.

For all our differences, every single one of the people I connected with struggled with high expectations and measuring themselves against other peoples success and/or perceived expectations of others.

DAMN.

It was like having a mirror held up in front of me. The absurdity of this thinking was not lost on me.  Why was it "normal" for me to think / feel this way, but sounded so flawed when it came out of someone else's mouth?

I have been struggling with slogans of "Just Do It", "Push Through", "Dig Deep", "Just One More Rep", "Drive Harder", "It's In You" for some time now.  These have become destructive messages in my life and feed my gremlins of high expectations and never good enough.  My focus over the past 18 months has been on taking care of myself  and no longer subscribing to the glorification of BUSY.

I have viewed my athletic mindset as a gift and pride myself on going that extra mile, lifting just a bit heavier and reaching for bigger goals in life and in business.  It is a gift I have paid forward to clients who struggle with keeping themselves small, and limiting their potential because not everyone struggles with the "Just Do It" mindset.  I believe many more run in the opposite direction and just getting up and moving is the challenge.  For some a  dash of this can be healthy, for me it had become destructive and was keeping me from feeling how I wanted to feel.  Even knowing this, the idea of letting go of this mindset, or at least turning down the volume and intensity, made me feel sad.  I would talk to my coach Keri Anne about my grief of having to reconcile this way of thinking and just wanting to go back to a time when it seemed healthy and powerful.  My drive and ambition had fuelled my success and at one time it was a healthy part of me.

Dax challenged us to ask  "How do you want to feel?"
The easiest way to get to this answer was to define exactly how I DIDN'T want to feel.

I have been feeling old, tired, broken and weak.  Resting is something I have to force myself to do and in the past have viewed as being "lazy". 

So how did I want to feel?
Youthful, energetic, fit and strong.

I had to get honest with myself about my athletic mindset.  This mindset was feeding exactly how I didn't want to feel.

I had to STOP DOING THE STUFF THAT CREATED THE OPPOSITE FEELINGS!

Every morning that I dragged my ass out of bed to squeeze in that early morning workout (because this is what I have always done and its what I "should" be doing) it contributed to me feeling tired.  The fix was found in taking a look at my schedule, being honest about what I could shuffle so I could plan my workouts later in the day. I also learned to be OK if I missed one or two or even three workouts.  I trust and have faith in my love of exercise and it will always bring me back to the gym.

How to not feel broken?
I need to check my ego and not try to out sprint (seriously I think Rudy has a turbo button hidden somewhere) or out lift someone KNOWING it would aggravate injuries and cause me pain.  Seriously, it was time for this coach to be a better coach to myself in the workout ring.  In doing less I could accomplish more.   Knowing when to pull back and trusting that I can find that fierce drive when it is really needed is imperative for my success moving forward.

How to not feel weak? 
This took a discussion with my coach Maki about what was reasonable and unreasonable expectations of myself.  I asked him to help me celebrate and recognize when I am making progress.  In my head I know that a 95lb push press is heavy but my athletic mindset always demands more and was disappointed that I couldn't squeeze out a few more reps or add one more plate.

The universe gave me my first chance to practise this new mindset with a Burpee Run challenge issued by Maki.  It was a timed run in a group setting (cue competitive and athletic gremlins). I was able to take a step back and stay conscious about what I needed to do. I choose to jog lightly (not sprint), do my best but NOT drive hard.  I aggravated an old injury (due to the sprinting episode trying to catch Rudy) so running spells nothing but pain for me.  I set my intention to just finish and let go of any expectations about where I would end up within the group and what my final time would be.  First, middle, or last I let it go and focused the accomplishment on just finishing.  The battle to stick to this mind set during my run was more challenging than the physical demand on my body.  My inner voices were loud, telling me I was doing a lame job and why was I  bothering doing it at all if I wasn't going to bring my 100% game.  Old mindsets die hard and this one did not want to go down without an epic battle.

The battle was worth it.

Not only did I finish, I finished with a great time and in the top 4.  I surprised myself that with less effort I was able to feel accomplished, strong, youthful and energetic.  My leg didn't hurt, I completed all 100 burpee's and for the first time I recognized what I am fully capable of. 

Pulling back helped me feel exactly how I wanted to feel. 

The moral of the story

Stop doing the shit in your life that takes you further away from how you want to feel.  Get honest with yourself about what you need to put down so you can pick up the things that ignite your inspiration. Stop living with the phrase "I should" and be kind to yourself.   Motivation is found outside of us and focuses on the number on the scale, how many workouts you should do or how many vegetables you should eat. It is born in quotes that tell us to "Just do it" and "sweat is fat crying".

Inspiration comes from inside your soul and is fueled by doing things that makes your spirit sing and makes you feel how you want to feel.  You don't need motivation when you are driven by inspiration.

Find how you want to feel and NEVER stop chasing those feelings.

~ Lisa


  





https://www.facebook.com/dax.moy

Expectations, inspiration and "not quite living".

 

Waiting for inspiration

 

 

 

I am a self proclaimed recovering perfectionist but the truth is I am incredibly hard on myself and my perfectionism looms large.  I set high expectations for myself and then beat myself up when I don’t meet them.  Ridiculous since no one is measuring my success or failure and no one is standing by to give me a high five or award me with a medal from Overachievers- Are-Us.  It seems that my recovery in this department still needs some work.  I have fallen back into my trap of “human doing” instead of “human being”. 

Prior to leaving on vacation I had set my sights on having time to write and reflect (so let’s just call a spade a spade… I made myself a vacation “to do” list) and found myself focused on what I should be doing, and my lack of inspiration about doing anything,  instead of focusing on what was really important.  Time with my family.  

Vacation is about REST, reconnection and play but I had done it again… set my expectations and then found myself frustrated, anxious, disconnected and feeling guilty that I couldn’t find my inspiration and passion to write (aka work).   All my focus has been on taking what I love to do and creating the life I want but I came to realize I had fallen into the trap of “I’ll be happy when…”.  Danielle Laporte posted a blog called “Your friends, your freedom and getting off your ass for love” that landed in my inbox, caught me off guard and slammed me into the present. 

 

My life, the life I want is happening RIGHT NOW.  I can write, teach, blog, love what I do but I need to do it in the present moment with the intent that life will continue to unfold just as it is meant to.  Taking time to unplug and get present is a bigger challenge for me than working to create my future, however all the moments, memories and the place my kids are at today will not wait for me to get ready or to create the perfect climate. 

 

Her quote that got me was “Not-quite living is an epidemic”… reading this I realized I had become part of this epidemic.

 

In the two days I had left at the lake I LIVED each moment with my family and made peace with myself by letting go of my expectations, perfectionism and the words “I should”.
 

Inspiration can’t be forced.  It shows up when you decide to LIVE because that’s where all inspiration comes from.

 

 ~L

“It’s not my first time at this rodeo.  I’ve eaten healthy, worked out (a little) and lost 30lbs.... THREE times in the last 15 years.  I started with the Carbohydrate Addicts diet, then Sure Slim (twice) but used them as a band-aid approach.  I just did what they told me to do and it worked.  There was no information behind it and I didn’t care.  I just wanted to lose the weight and move on.  And by moving on, this meant going off the diet and eventually gaining the weight back (and then some).  I’m good at the quick fix but not the long term.”

I work with phenomenal women who are brilliant members of society, loving mothers, wives, friends yet they live with the insanity of a noisy critic in their head insisting they do the same thing over and over and over again.   If nothing changes nothing changes.   It doesn’t matter how many times you have been to this rodeo you MUST stop emotionally abusing yourself for not knowing what you don’t know.  Being an expert dieter DOES NOT mean that you actually know what is and isn’t healthy, how foods fuel your body or what you really need to do to create lasting change (and I am not just talking about the physical transformation).  We make shitty coaches to ourselves because the truth is we can't see what we don't want to see.  It doesn't matter how much you read or think you know.

Learn about how real food, eaten at the right time, with the right portion size, in the right combinations will give you the POWER of choice and freedom from dieting.

Start by getting honest with yourself.

WRITE. IT. DOWN.

Nothing is more powerful than a food log. 

It makes the unconscious conscious. 

It creates honesty and accountability.  Not to anyone but yourself (and that’s who it’s all about right??)

Here’s the kicker.  Sit back and read it WITHOUT attaching emotion to it.  It is just facts or data about what you put in your mouth.  Nothing more, nothing less.  It is NOT a judgement about your self-worth, your dedication or your willpower.  It is simply a marker so you can assess what to do next.  PERIOD.

Look at your logs then make ONE change, ONE decision to DO better. PERIOD.

Resist the temptation to do a full meal overhaul!!  Less is more when you want to make lasting change and nailing small goals is key.

Consider the following questions if you don’t know where to start.

1.  Are you eating a protein at every meal?

2.  How many veggies are you really eating?

3.  How many items on your logs come from a bag, a box, bars or powders?

4.  How many things came right out of the earth?

Remember if it walks the earth, flies in the sky, comes off a tree or a bush or grows in the ground YOU CAN EAT IT!

Progress not perfection.  Consider yourself a body under construction and building a great one takes time and tenacity.

Log for a week

Make one change the following week and then let me know how you feel.

Even small wins and changes need to be celebrated!!

 

~L